75 Texts Bakura Sent Marik
by Alex Damien
Summary: Like it says, 75 texts about the crazyness that Marik and Bakura get into. Contains Thiefshipping.


**75 Texts Bakura Sent Marik**

I made a few of these for a scene in Blessed Be Those Who Live, and then just… kept going I suppose. I'll later add more. I hope you guys get as much of a laugh from this as I did.

_Were we going to crash the dice guy's party or not? Still got the hammer._

_Well, I told you it was a bad idea to mess with the squirrels. _

_But what are we going to do with the glitter afterwards? _

_There really were tiny koalas in it, we should have taken both boxes_

_What is a bootycall? I demand you come here and explain it to me_

_In my times they used gourds filled with bees, actually. Why do you want to know?_

_It wasn't my fault the pharaoh took the axe when I wasn't looking, why did you have to take off your shirt?_

_But the topless photos were supposed to be only for me!_

_I said stealing, not stripping! I swear, now you're just using money as an excuse_

_Well that's what happens when you play with sharks. You can only blame yourself_

_I don't think turtles can get rabies so you're probably safe_

_You should have specified that it would be pants wearing "fun times" and I refuse to apologize to Odion_

_How was I supposed to know you hate snakes?_

_If you keep trying out stuff you see on tv I will have to take the tv away. Seriously, I'll tell Ishizu she's fed up with your shit too_

_Where did you get it stuck this time?_

_There was free ice cream you can barely blame me for stepping on the children_

_Unless something is on fire any emergency can wait until I finish watching Cannibal Holocaust_

_Did Odion cook dinner? If so I'm not going_

_He tripped and fell on my knife I swear! And it wasn't even a fatal wound or anything!_

_At this point it doesn't even matter who started. Get the matches and get here now._

_You really have to stop teasing things that bite. Especially me_

_Your sister put dye on my shampoo again. I'm just giving you a heads up for when she finds her pet rabbit dead._

_The mime was being kind of a dick tbh._

_I'm too old for this techno shit. 5000 years old._

_We can always hijack the busty blonde's car if it comes to that so np_

_Which bar are we still not banned from?_

_If you can't feel it around your legs then you're fine. Just walk out of the cage slowly and carefully._

_Of course I'm commando. You ripped my underwear last night and there was no way I was wearing any of your thongs_

_But what are we going to do with ten gallons of maple syrup left?_

_Tastes like chicken. Told you it was safe as long as it wasn't moving._

_I told you it would be a good idea to bring the fire extinguisher_

_She had it coming when she said my hair was ugly. And I bet she can still walk._

_Fine, you can keep the goddamn bird. We'll get Ryou to take care of it._

_Will you believe me if I say it was dead when I found it?_

_I'm not angry. More like amazed at your liver._

_It was exactly like that, except with knives. A lot of knives._

_There are pugs here. Too many pugs. Come get me now!_

_But why did you throw them out the window? I needed those pants._

_There were just too many drag queens and too much glitter for me to not bring a knife._

_You were on the news and didn't tell me? I was the one who started the fire I deserved that screen time!_

_You're trapped in an elevator with how many chickens?_

_I don't have to want to have sex with her to throw ping pong balls into her cleavage._

_If you're not here in five minutes I'm just going to set it on fire and go home._

_I'm only mad because you started yelling at that homeless man about how he loved Cornelia more than he loved you. Who the fuck is Cornelia?_

_So a sugar daddy isn't a cocktail?_

_If I have to walk home in only a trenchcoat again you won't see any of your bikes ever again._

_You bet me in a poker game and lost?_

_Yeah I still have the pantyhose. What do you want them for?_

_Why is my hair in pigtails? Why is there so much glitter? I can't feel my tongue._

_Stop that already, you can't keep the moose._

_His legs just went on forever. I'm only sorry you started the fire alarm._

_I know I always tell you to not take off your clothes in public but I really need you to take off your shirt at the bar. Now._

_Odion knows what I did with his underwear so no dinner at your house for a while._

_What makes you think you're a vampire now?_

_I kept trying to convince you that you weren't lady gaga but it didn't work._

_I don't think it's safe to put mustard on it. You should ask Odion. Does it still itches?_

_I'm seriously considering putting a gps locator on you when we go out._

_Birds aren't supposed to drink beer._

_I don't know. All I remember was kicking down a shelf at the store and I just woke up covered in m&ms._

_It's alright. Ryou keeps a stash of bail money just in case anyway._

_She touched my hair, obviously she wasn't keeping that hand._

_But how did you get your bike up that tree? Either way we're going to need Odion for that._

_I'm starting to worry that dressing up as Santa wasn't a good idea._

_If you sharpen your teeth I'll punch them out. I'm serious, and Ishizu will let me._

_For the last time inflammable means the same thing as flammable. Ask Ishizu if you don't believe me._

_And how did you discover you could pole dance? I need to know these things._

_You kept falling over and apologizing to the stairs. It was hilarious, I still have the video._

_It's only illegal if they catch me._

_Come pick me up before I start stabbing children._

_I know you told me to not throw things from the balcony but that pink haired sucker was passing by. Golden opportunity, I couldn't miss it._

_You made me carry all these helium tanks for nothing? Ok, I'm blowing up something._

_To be honest the lacrosse team was already drunk as hell when I arrived._

_You have to stop telling your bird everything, that's how Ishizu finds out!_

_But why did you bet Ryou at the poker game?_

_You bet us both?_

**Thanks for reading, and if you liked these please consider commenting, liking or even recommending it to a friend :3**


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